5 Secrets to Happiness I Learned from a Monk

Timeless Wisdom for a Happier, More Peaceful Life

Hi Everyone

Optimising all areas of my life for maximum happiness is something always on my mind. So, last week Sarah and I decided to spend a day with a monk, learning the secrets to happiness 💜

Life seems to be like surfing emotional waves — riding high on the waves one minute, then crashing to the depths of the ocean the next minute…and sometimes feeling so broken we’re not sure we can take any more. The voice in our head can be constantly telling us “We’re not good enough,” replaying our past regrets, and worrying about what “might” happen in the future. Happiness can feel out of our grasp. Yet, what if happiness isn’t as hard to reach as we think?

What if we could tame the voice chattering non-stop in our head, rewire our habits, and find joy in the journey of life, not just the destination?

The secrets we learned from this monk aren’t theories — they’re practical strategies used over thousands of years, to reclaim your inner-power, transform your habits, and unlock the peace and happiness that are already inside you. He taught us how to work with the three parts of the subtle body: Mind, Intelligence and Ego. Here are the five secrets to happiness I took away.

1. Master the "Monkey Mind"

“The mind is compared to a monkey that is drunk, bitten by scorpion and haunted by ghosts. Hence it is capable of anything.”

This monkey mind jumps from one thought branch to the next, is highly emotional, scares easily, fixates on trivial things, and it often says really mean things to you. It’s the part of you that might lose hours doomscrolling social media on your phone, throw a pity party, or go for instant gratification over your long-term desires. This mental chatter can keep you locked in stress, anxiety, and ultimately stop you from living the life you were born to live.

One time I remember waking up with a sore throat. I heard my monkey say, “It’s cancer, definitely cancer…you’re gonna die!” I thought to myself, “Thanks for that thought.” I knew it was completely irrational, but it still niggled at the back of my mind all day. Of course, my throat was completely fine the next day, and I forgot all about.

The monk taught us that you can’t eliminate the monkey mind — that’s impossible —  but you can learn to manage it. Your monkey mind will always be there. Fighting against it only makes it louder…and it bites! But when you learn to recognise the monkey’s tricks, you can train it.

Start with AWARENESS and the POWER OF PAUSE — notice when your monkey mind starts pulling you into unnecessary worry or emotional reactions. Become aware of the monkey thoughts, then instead of responding immediately, take a deep breath, pause, and choose how to react intelligently. This small shift can break the cycle of emotional reactivity and help you become the one in charge.

2. Train Your Intelligence for Long-Term Fulfilment

Your “Intelligence” is the part of you that has perspective, the one that can see the bigger picture and make decisions that serve you for years to come. This intelligence is the rational part of your brain. While the monkey mind seeks instant gratification and doesn’t care about the consequences, your intelligence knows that true happiness comes from creating a fulfilling life over the long-term.

But how do you cultivate this intelligence? By practicing patience and training yourself to prioritise what’s valuable over what’s easy. The intelligence doesn’t react instantly; it needs a moment to think, weigh options, and choose wisely. You can tap into this by taking time for self-reflection, practicing daily gratitude, connecting with and contributing to others, expanding your knowledge and growth, and setting long-term goals. When you put your intelligence in the driving seat, you make choices that bring lasting happiness, instead of temporary relief.

3. Use the Ego to Develop Positive Habits Through Consistent Practice

The “Ego” wants to preserve your identity and works on autopilot for most of the day. It’s like a computer, that reacts even faster than your monkey mind, and it runs the same programs over and over again. Your Ego is the reason you can drive without thinking about it. But your Ego is stubborn and difficult to reprogram. It can contain conflicting and negative beliefs about the world.

But all is not lost. Happiness is a set of habits that can be built and repeated until they become second nature. Think of habits as the “software” running in the background of your Ego mind. Positive habits like being organised, simplifying, and staying calm under pressure, can bring stability and joy to your life. But here’s the key — they take constant practice. You don’t form life-changing habits overnight — they’re born from doing the right thing over and over again.

Start by selecting one positive habit you can commit to daily. Maybe it’s writing in your gratitude journal every morning, exercising, saying mantras while you get ready in the morning, or meditating. I also like to take a single, deep breath and smile over various parts of my day. Think of it as your one, joyful breath.

The monk taught us that by taking small, consistent actions, you can actually reprogram your mind to support your happiness. Think about it — every positive habit you build is another brick in the foundation of a peaceful, fulfilled life. These habits become who you are, and soon enough, the right actions become automatic.

4. Reframe and Shift Perspectives

One of the monk’s biggest lessons was that happiness isn’t determined by what happens to us — it’s shaped by how we interpret our experiences. Two people can experience the same event, but they perceive it differently — one person may feel hugely grateful for the moment, and the other angry or scared. How we “choose” to look at things determines our experience.

Now, that doesn’t mean putting on rose-tinted glasses and ignoring reality. It means choosing to find the positive element in every situation, even the tough ones. For everything that appears “bad”, there’s also “good.” For instance: the next time you face a setback, ask yourself, “What is the lesson here? What’s the good in this?” Every challenge can teach you something that can prepare you for the next level of success. The power of reframing is that it puts you back in the driver’s seat. Instead of being a victim of your circumstances, you become the architect of your reality, making the choice to interpret your life in a way that brings more peace, resilience, and optimism.

5. Incorporate Meditation and Breath Control

When it comes to taming the mind, meditation and breath control are two of the most powerful tools we have. They help you to become less reactive and more centred.

Meditation isn’t about eliminating thoughts or emptying your mind, it’s about learning to observe your thoughts without getting caught up in them. There are many ways to meditate, included guided and unguided. I’ve found that the benefits of meditation increase over time — it’s like a muscle that you need to work out daily. It helps me to build a buffer to take on the world before my kids wake up and the day begins. Aim to meditate every day. If you feel you don’t have the time, then just take a single, mindful breath. Twenty minutes is a good time to build up to.

Breath control, or pranayama, is another technique that allows you to stabilise your mind by balancing your energy. Pranayama connects you to your life force energy, or “prana,” which helps quiet the mind’s chatter and brings you into the present moment. When you’re grounded in your breath and mindful in the present, happiness flows naturally because you’re not pulled into the worries of the future or regrets of the past.

There are many different types of pranayama. Here’s a Bumblebee breath tutorial to calm yourself in seconds:

Happiness Summary

These five lessons are a blueprint to live a life of happiness, purpose, and peace. Remember, happiness isn’t a distant goal — it’s something you can build within yourself every day by mastering your monkey mind, training your intelligence, creating positive ego habits, simplifying your complex life, and committing to practices like gratitude, meditation and pranayama. When you put in the work, happiness is no longer out of reach — it’s a way of life you build within you. Of course, life happens and I’m not perfect, I still feel down sometimes…but I’m working on it.

But if a monk can find peace in stillness and joy in simplicity, you can do it too. Happiness isn’t just for those who retreat from the world, it’s for those of us living in the world, building our dreams, and creating a life we love. So, take these keys, unlock your happiness, and start living the life you were born to live!

Sarah and George Choy 💜